I realised that my last post was on last Tuesday DPO11. How I wished this post of mine would be screaming 'BFP! BFP! BFP!'. But hey hey, we all know by now that it's just not going to be that easy, right?
So here I am, another failed cycle.
My temperature dropped last Thursday and silly me was of course holding out on the hope that it might be an implantation dip. I am sure many women suffering from TTC/infertility issues out there would know exactly what I am talking about. Many a times I took solace in their blogs. And many a times those stuff they blogged about would bring about smile or a tear.
My period then came on Friday, and I was once again thrown into the depths of depression. It's of course well-contained during work. Work has always been my saviour and armour.
Weekend was a blur. I couldn't recall much of it except that I had simply shut down part of myself so that I wouldn't have to feel much. I still had quite several blood clots though the blood flow seemed to have lessened. So perhaps the TCM is working its magic. I hope its magic includes a BFP soon.
What now? what now? 2007 is coming to an end. What's next? The damnest thing is that I can't even do anything about my condition since I suffer from adenomyosis. I can't even do a lap or anything. I just have to WAIT. I can only wait. Wait for DH's soldiers to be stronger and strong enough to fertilize my egg and implant properly.
Holidays are here again. I dread them, I really do. I'm sure you know what I mean. I am going to try to arrange for some business trip. I am so going to try.
Sorry for all these ramblings.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I am sorry to hear that last cycle failed.
I can totally relate to the roller coaster of emotions that is ttc. And I didn't know I was capable of such depression until all of this. Sometimes I feel like I am falling deeper and deeper into a black hole .. thankfully, I am usually able to peek out of it - if only for a few hours a day and a few days a month.
Post a Comment