Tuesday, June 17, 2008

CD1 - It's just not meant to be, yet

I already knew it's game over once again when my temp dropped yesterday. My BBT is super consistent.

I am feeling perfectly alright, no emotional outburst nor sinking into any deep ends....I continue to function in a neutral state of mind.

I am at peace....and like what lifehopes had posted in her Rome trip post, we need to be thankful for what we already have. I am blessed with a wonderful husband, and many other things, and I must remember to be thankful about all those things. My friends may have kids, but we do know their husbands aren't exactly as wonderful, in fact some bordering on being emotionally abusive, so....

I think God is fair. Perhaps he knows, that we have especially blessed in some areas, that's why he feels we can wait longer for a kid to come into the picture. Whereas for some others, a child has to enter into their lives much earlier to make up the areas which are lacking. Yes, that's what I choose to believe. If God meant for us to be patient, then patience it shall be.

Just that I keep wondering, when will that be?

It's been 2 years plus of similar journeys....

During 2ww, once the temp dip, I would be thinking might it be an implantation dip and that the very next day, the temp would go right up again and stay elevated...and voila, BFP.

When will it be our turn - me massaging a swelling tummy, beaming, whilst husband fusses over me?

The feeling of carrying a life within me, feeling it growing, our child.

How will it look like?

There are so many many things we are missing out....we have yet to experience....

I can go on and on, but I will stop here.

It's just not meant to be, yet. When will it be? I am not fertile enough whilst husband is not virile enough.

My TCM Physician told me, relax....do relax....she said the bodies are very clever....once it detects any stress it will not respond positively. So, relax...
Her medicine and accupuncture are meant to strengthen my eggs too, hence I will not try clomid yet. If I want to, I will need to stop TCM for at least 3 months.

Can it happen in 2008 at least?