I thank God that I didn't suffer severe side effects from the 50mg clomid, which I started on Fri, CD5. I am to take it from CD5 to CD9, and to go for scan on CD13, Sat.
1st day, I got kinda woozy, but work kept me focused, and I am really grateful for that! Otherwise I would be agonizing over every single twitch and itch and sensation! Yesterday was alright. Today, my uterus and ovaries feel kinda achy...not even sure how to describe that sensation. It's not painful, nor sore, just....aching....
Are all these normal?
ON the other hand, I wonder whether it will be better to have stronger reactions??? Since that will mean it's taking an effect on me? Sigh.
Alright will post again soon :)
Take care everyone. I am praying for all of us!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
CLOMID here I comes!!!
WHOA!!! I finally did it!
It's all very fast....my gynae was able to squeeze me in around 630pm...I zipped down in a flash, had a brief consultation with her and collected the clomid!
I didn't let my husband know....so that he won't be stressed out!
:)
Of course I hope I can be lucky the first time round, BUT, even if it does't work out, at least I am happy to know that I have taken the step to try it :)
It's all very fast....my gynae was able to squeeze me in around 630pm...I zipped down in a flash, had a brief consultation with her and collected the clomid!
I didn't let my husband know....so that he won't be stressed out!
:)
Of course I hope I can be lucky the first time round, BUT, even if it does't work out, at least I am happy to know that I have taken the step to try it :)
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Our country needs more babies......
I have many tots, but for now I just want to post something different.....well, it's still about babies though.
In Singapore, every year, after we celebrate our National Day on 9 Aug, our Prime Minister will deliver his Rally Speech, during which he will outline and speak at length about challenges and significant issues faced by Singapore, and at the same time, announce new schemes and policies.
And well, for this year, one focus is actually on our failing birth rate. Yes, we are in need of more babies. And our Government are prepared to fund a slew of incentives etc to encourage couple to have more babies.....
Sigh.
If any of you are interested in the details, you can read here: http://www.channelnewsasia.com/nationalday/rally_engvideo.htm
(check out 'pro-baby measures to boost birthrate')
For preggies around me, they are HAPPY, since they will be enjoying 4 months of maternity leave, which is one more month compared to previous 3 months leave. NOtably is one of my staff, the one who got preggy right after she's married.
On a separate note, last week, it suddenly dawns on me that the early signs have always been there - that I am just not fertile.
I stayed in Uni hostel throughout my 4 years of Uni education, and towards the last 2 years, I was practically cohabitating with my then boyfriend. I wasn't on the pill, and we combined condoms with my regular cycle as a form of birth control. I remembered on couple of occasions we were worried about getting pregnant, but, haha...I never, obviously.
Fast forward more than a decade later, and I learnt from mutual friends that my ex is a father of 2. And me...zero.
So, let's do the sums.....we were then at our supposedly most fertile and virile peak...basically like bunnies (sorry TMI)....and no, no, not pregnant. I mean of course it's a blessing that I didn't get pregnant then, but, I am sure you get the drift.
Sorry, that's just one the many tots I need to get it out of my system.
I think I need to do a random post soon, penning down all the various random tots, which are unfortunately, all fertility-related....
In Singapore, every year, after we celebrate our National Day on 9 Aug, our Prime Minister will deliver his Rally Speech, during which he will outline and speak at length about challenges and significant issues faced by Singapore, and at the same time, announce new schemes and policies.
And well, for this year, one focus is actually on our failing birth rate. Yes, we are in need of more babies. And our Government are prepared to fund a slew of incentives etc to encourage couple to have more babies.....
Sigh.
If any of you are interested in the details, you can read here: http://www.channelnewsasia.com/nationalday/rally_engvideo.htm
(check out 'pro-baby measures to boost birthrate')
For preggies around me, they are HAPPY, since they will be enjoying 4 months of maternity leave, which is one more month compared to previous 3 months leave. NOtably is one of my staff, the one who got preggy right after she's married.
On a separate note, last week, it suddenly dawns on me that the early signs have always been there - that I am just not fertile.
I stayed in Uni hostel throughout my 4 years of Uni education, and towards the last 2 years, I was practically cohabitating with my then boyfriend. I wasn't on the pill, and we combined condoms with my regular cycle as a form of birth control. I remembered on couple of occasions we were worried about getting pregnant, but, haha...I never, obviously.
Fast forward more than a decade later, and I learnt from mutual friends that my ex is a father of 2. And me...zero.
So, let's do the sums.....we were then at our supposedly most fertile and virile peak...basically like bunnies (sorry TMI)....and no, no, not pregnant. I mean of course it's a blessing that I didn't get pregnant then, but, I am sure you get the drift.
Sorry, that's just one the many tots I need to get it out of my system.
I think I need to do a random post soon, penning down all the various random tots, which are unfortunately, all fertility-related....
Monday, August 18, 2008
CD1
A quick note - CD 1 today :)
Not to wory, am in a good place and calm and serene.
Dropped an email to my gynae about collecting clomid from her office :)
Have many tots and things to share.....soon to come :)
Thanks for all the prayers :)
Not to wory, am in a good place and calm and serene.
Dropped an email to my gynae about collecting clomid from her office :)
Have many tots and things to share.....soon to come :)
Thanks for all the prayers :)
Sunday, July 20, 2008
CD2
First I must apologize for kind of 'disappearing'. Not just about not blogging, but also, I have not been commenting on my two fav blog - lifehopes and allyouwhohope.
In case you are wondering about me having gotten pregnant and sneaking off....ha ha, nope, I am back in the game again :)
And I didn't comment on your failed cycles which is what I'd normally do, is because, I was then feeling too upset and so un-positive that I just couldn't bring myself to comment. I so wanted both of you to get pregnant, because that will really be so uplifting and positive to myself and the rest of the IF community.
No worries, I am back now :) I am in a good plce, feeling alright.
I will continue the accupuncture but stop taking my TCM herbs from now, so that I can prepare my body to start on clomid after another 2 failed cycles. The reason why I need to stop the chinese herbs is because these herbs are meant to help improved my fertility system, so taking them together with clomid might over-stimulate my ovaries. About 2-3 months are needed to allow the herbs to be totally flushed out of my system.
Another thing which I have started doing, is to sprinkle cinnamon on whatever food I can :) Google cinnamon and you will get the picture. My TCM physician said it won't hurt to try this cinnamon method since cinnamon is a warming food which is good for my uterus and ovaries anyway.
In fact, I thought it might have helped in lessening my cramps this time round!
My fellow blogger friends, CHIN up! We will remain positive, and we will arrive at the day where we will see the BFP on the testing kit, and we will see the tiny sac via ultrasound, and we will hold our babies in our arms!
I pray, and I firmly believe we will do so.
In case you are wondering about me having gotten pregnant and sneaking off....ha ha, nope, I am back in the game again :)
And I didn't comment on your failed cycles which is what I'd normally do, is because, I was then feeling too upset and so un-positive that I just couldn't bring myself to comment. I so wanted both of you to get pregnant, because that will really be so uplifting and positive to myself and the rest of the IF community.
No worries, I am back now :) I am in a good plce, feeling alright.
I will continue the accupuncture but stop taking my TCM herbs from now, so that I can prepare my body to start on clomid after another 2 failed cycles. The reason why I need to stop the chinese herbs is because these herbs are meant to help improved my fertility system, so taking them together with clomid might over-stimulate my ovaries. About 2-3 months are needed to allow the herbs to be totally flushed out of my system.
Another thing which I have started doing, is to sprinkle cinnamon on whatever food I can :) Google cinnamon and you will get the picture. My TCM physician said it won't hurt to try this cinnamon method since cinnamon is a warming food which is good for my uterus and ovaries anyway.
In fact, I thought it might have helped in lessening my cramps this time round!
My fellow blogger friends, CHIN up! We will remain positive, and we will arrive at the day where we will see the BFP on the testing kit, and we will see the tiny sac via ultrasound, and we will hold our babies in our arms!
I pray, and I firmly believe we will do so.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
CD1 - It's just not meant to be, yet
I already knew it's game over once again when my temp dropped yesterday. My BBT is super consistent.
I am feeling perfectly alright, no emotional outburst nor sinking into any deep ends....I continue to function in a neutral state of mind.
I am at peace....and like what lifehopes had posted in her Rome trip post, we need to be thankful for what we already have. I am blessed with a wonderful husband, and many other things, and I must remember to be thankful about all those things. My friends may have kids, but we do know their husbands aren't exactly as wonderful, in fact some bordering on being emotionally abusive, so....
I think God is fair. Perhaps he knows, that we have especially blessed in some areas, that's why he feels we can wait longer for a kid to come into the picture. Whereas for some others, a child has to enter into their lives much earlier to make up the areas which are lacking. Yes, that's what I choose to believe. If God meant for us to be patient, then patience it shall be.
Just that I keep wondering, when will that be?
It's been 2 years plus of similar journeys....
During 2ww, once the temp dip, I would be thinking might it be an implantation dip and that the very next day, the temp would go right up again and stay elevated...and voila, BFP.
When will it be our turn - me massaging a swelling tummy, beaming, whilst husband fusses over me?
The feeling of carrying a life within me, feeling it growing, our child.
How will it look like?
There are so many many things we are missing out....we have yet to experience....
I can go on and on, but I will stop here.
It's just not meant to be, yet. When will it be? I am not fertile enough whilst husband is not virile enough.
My TCM Physician told me, relax....do relax....she said the bodies are very clever....once it detects any stress it will not respond positively. So, relax...
Her medicine and accupuncture are meant to strengthen my eggs too, hence I will not try clomid yet. If I want to, I will need to stop TCM for at least 3 months.
Can it happen in 2008 at least?
I am feeling perfectly alright, no emotional outburst nor sinking into any deep ends....I continue to function in a neutral state of mind.
I am at peace....and like what lifehopes had posted in her Rome trip post, we need to be thankful for what we already have. I am blessed with a wonderful husband, and many other things, and I must remember to be thankful about all those things. My friends may have kids, but we do know their husbands aren't exactly as wonderful, in fact some bordering on being emotionally abusive, so....
I think God is fair. Perhaps he knows, that we have especially blessed in some areas, that's why he feels we can wait longer for a kid to come into the picture. Whereas for some others, a child has to enter into their lives much earlier to make up the areas which are lacking. Yes, that's what I choose to believe. If God meant for us to be patient, then patience it shall be.
Just that I keep wondering, when will that be?
It's been 2 years plus of similar journeys....
During 2ww, once the temp dip, I would be thinking might it be an implantation dip and that the very next day, the temp would go right up again and stay elevated...and voila, BFP.
When will it be our turn - me massaging a swelling tummy, beaming, whilst husband fusses over me?
The feeling of carrying a life within me, feeling it growing, our child.
How will it look like?
There are so many many things we are missing out....we have yet to experience....
I can go on and on, but I will stop here.
It's just not meant to be, yet. When will it be? I am not fertile enough whilst husband is not virile enough.
My TCM Physician told me, relax....do relax....she said the bodies are very clever....once it detects any stress it will not respond positively. So, relax...
Her medicine and accupuncture are meant to strengthen my eggs too, hence I will not try clomid yet. If I want to, I will need to stop TCM for at least 3 months.
Can it happen in 2008 at least?
Monday, May 19, 2008
Onwards to new cycle again!
Hey, I'm blogging again! :)
First, to respond to the tag from allyouwhohope I ignore her tag last round, so this round I will do it.
Here goes:
1. Why did you start your blog?
Simply to rant and vent about my depression and frustration issues about TTC and IF. It's actually meant to be sort of a hate blog too, since I post ugly tots towards certain people too.
2. How did you come up with your blog name?
It came very natural to me!
3. Do your friends and family know about your blog and what do they think?
NO!!! If you read my first few posts, this is meant to be my 'secret' blog, which is not supposed to be known by people and family who know me - they know me and my husband as people who do not wish to have children (that's what we wanted last time...). And some of them will flip if they get to read some of the posts since they aren't pretty at all!
That's why, I must apologize for the 'boringness' of this blog. You'd noticed it's mostly TTC related, and I don't blog a lot about other personal and social stuff. I can't elaborate on our trips and outings and other aspects of social life, nor about my career or hobbies etc, because I cannot risk being identified by people whom I know.
4. How do you write posts?
I usually write whilst awaiting ovulation or in 2ww or to announce the cycle has failed...
5. Have you ever had a troll or had to delete unkind comments?
Thankfully, Nope!
6. Do you check your stats or care how many people read your blog? If so, how do you increase traffic?
I have a counter just to have a general idea, but I don't really care. I care more about people knowing me NOT knowing about this blog!
Yes, I'm done!
Today is a Public Holiday in Singapore here, it's called Vesak Day.
I am in a good mood, because my period is ending soon and I can look forward to a brand new cycle!
The pain was slightly better this time round, and I didn't take any ponstan pills at all. I am going into some details about my period, so apologies for TMI!
It's only painful and crampy during the first two days. How to describe the pain? At best it's a dulling ache, at worst it's like someone trying to rip out my uterus! My uterus and pelvic regions will feel all heavy and aching. I can't walk straight, but I can't sit for long too. The best is to lie on bed in a sideway position, or to actually squat down or to kneel down and lean my upper torso on the floor, well basically any position that doesn't put weight on the pelvic region.
But the worst part are the blood clots. My period is not just about passing out blood, but also passing out blood clots! It's really gross, and I really need to make sure I am near the bathrooms for the first two days to avoid staining! Every time I go to loo to pass urine, out pop the clots too! But with each passing out of the clots, my cramp will be abated. So I believe the cramps are caused by my body wanting to expel these clots.
My gynae explained that these clots are probably from the endo growth into my uterine back walls. My TCM concurred, and added that that's why I need to abstain from cold stuff and try to keep my womb 'hot', as that will help to ease blood flow and prevents less clotting.
I have read up extensively over my adenomyosis condition, and I am thankful that I only suffer two days of pain every month, which in a way can be alleviated by taking ponstan and keeping to a cleaner 'warmer' diet.
Anyone out there who is like me and have gotten pregnant eventually? I believe there are! In time to come, I will too.
First, to respond to the tag from allyouwhohope I ignore her tag last round, so this round I will do it.
Here goes:
1. Why did you start your blog?
Simply to rant and vent about my depression and frustration issues about TTC and IF. It's actually meant to be sort of a hate blog too, since I post ugly tots towards certain people too.
2. How did you come up with your blog name?
It came very natural to me!
3. Do your friends and family know about your blog and what do they think?
NO!!! If you read my first few posts, this is meant to be my 'secret' blog, which is not supposed to be known by people and family who know me - they know me and my husband as people who do not wish to have children (that's what we wanted last time...). And some of them will flip if they get to read some of the posts since they aren't pretty at all!
That's why, I must apologize for the 'boringness' of this blog. You'd noticed it's mostly TTC related, and I don't blog a lot about other personal and social stuff. I can't elaborate on our trips and outings and other aspects of social life, nor about my career or hobbies etc, because I cannot risk being identified by people whom I know.
4. How do you write posts?
I usually write whilst awaiting ovulation or in 2ww or to announce the cycle has failed...
5. Have you ever had a troll or had to delete unkind comments?
Thankfully, Nope!
6. Do you check your stats or care how many people read your blog? If so, how do you increase traffic?
I have a counter just to have a general idea, but I don't really care. I care more about people knowing me NOT knowing about this blog!
Yes, I'm done!
Today is a Public Holiday in Singapore here, it's called Vesak Day.
I am in a good mood, because my period is ending soon and I can look forward to a brand new cycle!
The pain was slightly better this time round, and I didn't take any ponstan pills at all. I am going into some details about my period, so apologies for TMI!
It's only painful and crampy during the first two days. How to describe the pain? At best it's a dulling ache, at worst it's like someone trying to rip out my uterus! My uterus and pelvic regions will feel all heavy and aching. I can't walk straight, but I can't sit for long too. The best is to lie on bed in a sideway position, or to actually squat down or to kneel down and lean my upper torso on the floor, well basically any position that doesn't put weight on the pelvic region.
But the worst part are the blood clots. My period is not just about passing out blood, but also passing out blood clots! It's really gross, and I really need to make sure I am near the bathrooms for the first two days to avoid staining! Every time I go to loo to pass urine, out pop the clots too! But with each passing out of the clots, my cramp will be abated. So I believe the cramps are caused by my body wanting to expel these clots.
My gynae explained that these clots are probably from the endo growth into my uterine back walls. My TCM concurred, and added that that's why I need to abstain from cold stuff and try to keep my womb 'hot', as that will help to ease blood flow and prevents less clotting.
I have read up extensively over my adenomyosis condition, and I am thankful that I only suffer two days of pain every month, which in a way can be alleviated by taking ponstan and keeping to a cleaner 'warmer' diet.
Anyone out there who is like me and have gotten pregnant eventually? I believe there are! In time to come, I will too.
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