Thursday, October 23, 2008

CD6 - A sense of uplifted-ness amidst the blues....

I just want to thank and so so so much....,for your comments.

And in particular, I draw much joy and comfort from this entry -

Allyouwhohope, thanks so much for this entry. You have no idea how it's helped to lifted me for a moment! I also can't really explain why. Perhaps it's the comforting image of the 2 of you chatting and sharing away....perhaps it's just a sense of feeling 'not-so-alone'. And your cooment - 'while neither of us is very optimistic for ourselves, we are very optimistic for each other' - that's so very true! We definitely have lots of hope for one another!

And I just read the most recent entry of waitingforlife, and yes, I am TOTALLY with you -

'Anyone ever feel completely and totally worthless in the midst of infertility? It's a relentless thief that robs you of EVERYTHING. It robs you of your hope, of your dreams, of your passions, it leaves you feeling empty-handed. You feel like a wilted flower, waiting to fall off its stem.'

It's what I REALLY hate aboutbeing infertile. It's like, nothing else matters, simply because I am barren. Childless. Can't even pregnant once to save my life.

And there are the others. Other women who can be deemed 'worthless' or not as desirable, but HELLO, that ceases to matter so long as they actually have kids.

Many a times, I would see a woman around, and wondering about her sense of dressing or weight issue or just her weird mannerism, and then this little cute creature will run up and call out 'mummy!' And it would dawn on me that , well, in fact, I, I AM the weird one around. Dressed professionally, so what? Behaving politely, so what?? Nice career and fine dining and travelling and all the frills, SO what??!! I am infertile. Childless.

Alright, I shouldn't go on along this note, so I shall sign off for now....


allyouwhohope said...

I think both you and Lifehopes explain well how this makes us feel. It's SO hard and I can totally relate to your description of realizing, wait a minute - I'M the weird one because they all have kids! I guess we need to remind ourselves that it is not true (I know, it's a lot easier said than done) and that God loves us just as much as those whom he has blessed with biological children. And our barrenness does not define us, even though it sure feels like it at times.

If you ever come to the U.S., make sure you come to the East Coast and we'll all have to find a way to meet up! That would be so much fun!

LifeHopes said...

I agree - you have a standing invitation to hang out with us anytime!!

Hang in there, we will all be mothers one day, somehow or another, I just know it.

We are called by God to be mothers -- we feel it in our hearts and that is why the waiting is so difficult. But we have to keep trusting that our time will come.

LifeHopes said...

Miss hearing from you!
I hope you are doing okay!

allyouwhohope said...

It's so good to hear from you! How have you been?! If you get a chance, let us know what is going on with you. Miss you!

LifeHopes said...

Thanks for the blog comment!
I am looking forward to your next post!!!